by Kirsta Grapentine (aka, Christy Grapenfinder)

In The Adoption Resource Book, the author relates a short vignette about a child who was adopted from India. The child came to America with two pennies from his homeland, the shoes on his feet, and his name. The coins were eventually lost, the shoes outgrown. All the child has left from his past was his name.

The issue...

For many children coming into the child welfare system, their birth names are all they have to connect them to their past. Their pasts have all too often been filled with abuse, neglect and loss. It is often tempting for an adoptive family to want to shelter the child from these negative experiences and make them their own by changing the child's name.

Research has shown that a child can recognize and respond to his or her (first) name by age six months. Most child development experts and psychologists discourage families from changing a child's name after 12 months because most children have at that point developed a sense of self-identity, which is tied to their name. Experts note that it is particularly hard for preschool-age children to adjust to a name change. During this stage of development, self-identification is so closely linked to a child's name that changing that name often gives the child the notion that he/she is an entirely different person. It makes it more difficult for the child to integrate past experiences into the present.

When it may be appropriate...

There may be times when it is appropriate to change a child's first name. Obviously a child with the legal name of "Baby Boy" needs a more personal, name. Other situations may include a child being adopted into a home where there is already a child with the same name; when a child's first name, coupled with the adoptive parents' last name, leaves a child open to embarrassment or ridicule; or when a child has a name that may be associated with negative connotations. In some instances, a child may wish to have their name changed because they view it as an easy way to break from the past. In these cases, time should be taken to help the child understand that a name change will not make the past disappear, and that the child is not a "new person" because he/she has been adopted. Whenever a child's first name is changed, even for an infant, it is important for the adoptive family to record and keep the original name for the child's future reference.

The Transition

When a name is to be changed, there are a number of ways to help make the transition easier. Informing the foster family or agency of the new name, and asking them to use that name with the child, will help the child get used to the name in familiar situations. Choosing a name that sounds similar to the child's original name may also make the change easier.

It is not uncommon for adopted children to have more than one middle name. Incorporating the child's original first name into his or her full name still allows the child to maintain part of their past identity. This is especially true of a foreign-born child whose name may have been changed because it was hard to pronounce. In some cases, calling a child by a nickname may be easier than a legal name change. It can be something that the adoptive family has given that child, and the family and child can use it as that child feels comfortable with it.

Whenever a child's name is to be changed the child should be consulted, especially if they are older, and should be helped to understand why the change is being made.

Last Names

Children also need to be prepared for the change of their last name. Although a change in the surname can also be threatening to children, when they are helped to understand that sharing the same last name is one way of letting people know that they are part of the same family, the child usually feels more comfortable. Older children, especially teenagers, should be consulted as to whether or not they would like to take the adoptive family's name. Again, in some cases, incorporating the child's original last name into their middle name or hyphenating the last name, may be a healthy way of blending the child's past into his or her present.

Most adoption experts agree that if a last name is going to be changed, the child's new surname should be used when the child is placed in a home for adoption. However, because the child's name is not legally changed until finalization, schools and other institutions may be reluctant to use the new surname on official documents. Children should be prepared to deal with this type of confusion.

Although changing an adoptive child's name is part of the claiming process by a family, special attention should be given to the motivations for changing a child's first name. A name change should meet the needs of the child, not solely that of the family's.

Helpful Resources:

Helping Children When They Must Move, Vera Fahlberg

The Adoption Resource Book, Lois Gilman

Making Sense of Adoption, Lois Melina

Raising Adopted Children, Lois Melina